oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
