It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
