i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's just like the Real World with babies
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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