I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
