took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
