The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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