He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
