Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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