her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
