i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
