well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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