I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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