bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
