All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
