You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
