Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
