I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
