She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
