we're blogging at a bar
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
