Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
