I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
