I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
