Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
