I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
