i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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