You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
