God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
