Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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