I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
