Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize