He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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