hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
