Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
