There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
