Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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