Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
