Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
