opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
