You can't motorboat a personality
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
