There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
