how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
