I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
