Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
