the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
