Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Are we still banned from the library?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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