hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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