remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
