I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
