I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
