Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
