Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
