you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
