so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
