Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you never un-have a 4some
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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