I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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