Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
