There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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