every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
