Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
