Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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