I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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