She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
